My PMDD story

In or around 2009, I was diagnosed with PMDD, or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. At the time, I had never heard about it, and actually, I did not think it was a big deal. I think I actually looked at my ob/gyn like, are you kidding? But, she put me on an SSRI, which is the first line of defense against PMDD. The SSRI worked for me for years, until I became pregnant the first time.

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Life lately: Home land

I’m already seeing back-to-school displays, and it feels like the summer just started. Hard to believe August here.

We spent May and June selling our south Seattle house and buying one in Renton, a suburb south of the city. Selling was no trouble as the buyers we worked with were eager and excited to buy our house, and they were genuinely nice people and easy to work with throughout the process.

The buying process, on the other hand, was just short of a nightmare. The sellers of our new house were unpleasant and difficult. After a few unforeseen complications, we finally closed on July 3rd and have been unpacking and getting settled ever since.

All that being said, we absolutely love this house. And more than just the house, we love the neighborhood, the neighbors and having a private backyard. Even the small annoying things, like the one toilet we can’t get to work in the very outdated bathroom, doesn’t bother me. I couldn’t say that about our Seattle house. No matter how updated the rooms became, there were so many things that just didn’t feel right: the flow from room to room, the layout of various rooms, that it was taking forever to fix up and update…the lack of neighborhood, community and yard privacy, among other issues.

But THIS house feels like–no, IS, HOME. The moment I walked in, I knew it. We were touring the master bedroom when I said to our broker: This is it. This is the house. He asked what about the house made me feel that way. “Everything,” I said. “The smell, the energy, the layout of rooms, the clean design, the mid-century bones updated timelessly. The yard.”

The yard was important because Maxine has so much extra energy to burn off, it provides her fresh air to do that. It provides her with a garden to meet fairies, to plant trees or fruits, to pick berries and apples and figs. It provides her a safe space to explore and pretend. And it allows us as a family a space to be outside more, to eat outside, to host outside. We absolutely treasure the backyard.

I’m sitting outside on the covered patio under cafe lights, listening to Ella Fitzgerald and Duke Ellington. In the back of the garden, I can see the fairy house Maxie put out last week, with (LED) tea lights, to attract our flighty friends. Our neighbors are social but respectfully quiet. It’s truly a magical experience to live here, and I am grateful every day for the opportunity.

 

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Flora is one

 

It’s official: Flora is one!

Parents will tell you that every child has their own personality and siblings can be vastly different from one another. Now, a year into being Mom of Two, I see it’s really true. How do two children from the same parents have wildly different personalities and abilities. It’s amazing.

Flora has blossomed into the sweetest soul. She is affectionate, gentle, and sensitive. She loves to give kisses and head-butts (“loves”). At a year old, she says five words (Mama, Dada, Hi, Papa, and All Done); stacks blocks up to five high; turns the pages of books and studies the pictures; sorts shapes and small items into a slot with ease; and is close to cruising but not quite there yet. She loves stories, and playing whatever anyone else is playing, including sissy. And speaking of sissy, Maxine is still coming to terms with having to share and play with Flora, and every once in a while, Flora will shove or pull on Maxine’s shirt sleeve to express frustration or displeasure at being excluded or having a toy taken from her hands. It’s actually really cute and amusing to watch, but I try to not laugh out loud because I don’t want to encourage either of their behaviors.

Flora, One | February 2018
Flora, One | February 2018

It is complete joy being Flora’s mom. She has brought confidence back to my role as a mother. She restored my confidence in myself as a person, a woman, a scholar. She is the reason I chose to go back and get a Masters. And she reminds me what it is to be joyful and loving and full of the love the Spirit has for each of us. She helps me be a better mother to Maxine, which I’ve likely documented here on this blog as a challenge (more on this in a future post). Flora reminds me to be safer, to make the right decisions, to lean in. She reminds me to be gentle with others and myself. And she makes me love motherhood more than I thought possible. My favorite part of the day is walking through the door saying, “Helloooo, Baby!”, and seeing her raise her arms up for a hug. I absolutely love playing with her. She shows determination and perseverance and already has a love for learning. She watches us do something and catches on like she’s been doing it for 100 years.

I feel so proud to be the mom of this little girl, and I’m looking forward to sharing more of her (and Maxine’s) growth in this space. Take a look below at her first year.

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