Parents will tell you that every child has their own personality and siblings can be vastly different from one another. Now, a year into being Mom of Two, I see it’s really true. How do two children from the same parents have wildly different personalities and abilities. It’s amazing.
Flora has blossomed into the sweetest soul. She is affectionate, gentle, and sensitive. She loves to give kisses and head-butts (“loves”). At a year old, she says five words (Mama, Dada, Hi, Papa, and All Done); stacks blocks up to five high; turns the pages of books and studies the pictures; sorts shapes and small items into a slot with ease; and is close to cruising but not quite there yet. She loves stories, and playing whatever anyone else is playing, including sissy. And speaking of sissy, Maxine is still coming to terms with having to share and play with Flora, and every once in a while, Flora will shove or pull on Maxine’s shirt sleeve to express frustration or displeasure at being excluded or having a toy taken from her hands. It’s actually really cute and amusing to watch, but I try to not laugh out loud because I don’t want to encourage either of their behaviors.
It is complete joy being Flora’s mom. She has brought confidence back to my role as a mother. She restored my confidence in myself as a person, a woman, a scholar. She is the reason I chose to go back and get a Masters. And she reminds me what it is to be joyful and loving and full of the love the Spirit has for each of us. She helps me be a better mother to Maxine, which I’ve likely documented here on this blog as a challenge (more on this in a future post). Flora reminds me to be safer, to make the right decisions, to lean in. She reminds me to be gentle with others and myself. And she makes me love motherhood more than I thought possible. My favorite part of the day is walking through the door saying, “Helloooo, Baby!”, and seeing her raise her arms up for a hug. I absolutely love playing with her. She shows determination and perseverance and already has a love for learning. She watches us do something and catches on like she’s been doing it for 100 years.
I feel so proud to be the mom of this little girl, and I’m looking forward to sharing more of her (and Maxine’s) growth in this space. Take a look below at her first year.
I am starting a new series called Grown-up Storytime because we all need to engage in the social and cultural activity of sharing stories. Creating a communal space for sharing and discussing and learning from others is the exception now, not the rule. My goal is to eventually have guest bloggers share their stories here and later create a live community space for folks to come together and share stories. In the meantime, join me on this inaugural story as I tell you about the ballistic missile threat inbound to Hawaii in January 2018 and how my husband and I were affected by the horrifying false alarm.
It is a beautiful and warm Saturday morning in Maui. My husband and I sit down and order breakfast at a local diner. We are winding down from a rejuvenating, kid-free week on the island while gearing up to head back the next day to rainy Seattle and to our daughters. Our parents are caring for Maxine (three), and Florence (10-months-old).
Prior to leaving Seattle for this trip to Maui, I was a little reticent about vacationing on the island. If you know me, you know I tend to lean into the safe side of life, which means no extreme sports, no roller coasters, and no one bathing my kids but me just in case of an accident. Also: flying is not my favorite activity. In days leading up to our vacation, the U.S. president taunted North Korea and its leadership over whose ballistic missile button was larger and easiest to push. So it’s safe to say that I was concerned about traveling to Hawaii during this politically contentious time. Because WHAT IF a missile was fired and hit Hawaii? But, before we cozied into our upgraded seats on the plane to Maui, I talked myself into a state of calm and comfort. Our plane wasn’t going to go down. Nothing would happen to the girls while we were gone. And Hawaii would still be standing when we left the island the following week.
So here we sit in this diner. My husband takes a phone call from a colleague at the same time I feel my phone vibrate next to me. I ignore it. Then I hear a siren. I look around seeking the expressions and reactions of other diners, trying to figure out what made that sound. No one seems alarmed, so feeling my phone continue to buzz, I pick it up to see two text messages and an emergency alert.
BALLISTIC MISSILE THREAT INBOUND TO HAWAII. SEEK IMMEDIATE SHELTER. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
“INBOUND TO HAWAII.” The words felt like a mean prank. I mean, I’m on Hawaii right now, I thought. This isn’t happening.
I stare at the message as if I am the star in a movie, waiting for Will Smith to sweep me up to safety. But movies never feel this terrifying. And actors don’t do justice to this kind of true fear, or the deep sadness in believing you won’t see your children again. Or the possibility of being separated from your spouse among tsunami waves – or worse, vaporizing radiation.
I stand up to see what other diners are doing. Many gaze at their phones, some continue to enjoy their breakfast blissfully ignorant of surrounding events. Neither of these scenarios give me a clear sign of what to do so I approach my server. “I don’t know what to do!” she says. “I have goosebumps. This is not good.” As the server turns away, a father and his young son run passed me, calling his wife and daughter to immediately get up and leave with him. They do.
Feeling the blood drain from my face, I walk over to show my husband, still on the phone call, the alert. A sense of severe panic and dread come over me. I remember standing there, my voice shaking, telling him, “It’s not a drill. They say it’s not a drill! Oh my god, what do we do?” I am lost. I feel completely hopeless. There is nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide.
No one around us knows what to do. The restaurant management is nowhere in sight. The staff stands around in bewilderment and fear. In paying attention to the news, I know that after a missile launch, civilians have maybe 20 minutes to seek shelter. While this is all happening in a matter of seconds, every second feels like a lifetime and I have no idea how fast or slow time is truly going. I only know that the panic continues to sweep through my body, clouding my mind. I am overwhelmed and drowning in fear.
My husband grabs me and tells me to follow him to the car. “What are we going to do?” I keep repeating this question expecting it to eventually compel my husband with a suddenly brilliant and life-saving answer, which it does not. Our only option is to drive up the large hill across the highway as high as we can go. And so we do.
Driving up against this hill, we see a man on a walk. My husband pulls the car up next to him and asks if he has any information on the emergency alert. He tells us to go sit on a beach and just wait for the waves. This absolutely kills my spirit, and I start to cry. By this point, I am beyond fear and panic. I am distraught. I am grieving my children, imagining them at home with their grandparents, never seeing them again. I hate myself for coming to Hawaii when I intuitively felt that we’d be in the cross-hairs of a war with North Korea. And now we are going to die here, I think to myself.
To find any possibility of hope that this missile wouldn’t affect us, my husband turns on the radio and I start Googling for news headlines. Nothing. The radio has nothing but commercials and songs. The internet takes a lifetime to load pages, which also lead us to dead ends.
What I haven’t mentioned this far is that my sister and her husband are also on this trip with us. They are in their hotel room and hadn’t joined us for breakfast. As I search for information on my iPhone, my sister sends a text that she also isn’t having luck with the Internet but that minutes after the alert, hotel guests were running through the halls yelling to seek shelter. My sister, she says, is sitting at the edge of the bed, not sure what to else to do.
A few more minutes pass. My sister calls back to tell us that the hotel staff have just announced that the alert was a false alarm. “Are you sure?” I ask. “Are you sure? It was fake?” Yes, she was sure. Yes, it was fake. Many minutes after that, maybe a half hour later, the false alarm alert shows up on my phone and confirms it.
“There is no missile threat or danger to the State of Hawaii. Repeat. False Alarm.”
I cried for an hour.
Even though we didn’t technically cheat death that day, it feels that way because the fear, panic, sadness and hopelessness of the inevitable was right there at our fingertips, even if only deceptively. My husband and I arrived back home to Seattle that Sunday evening at around midnight. Our girls were hours into their bedtimes by then, asleep soundly. Each of us went in, lifted them from their beds and gave them a long hug, so happy to know that we were back with them.
I’m sitting here looking out at majestic Lake Washington. The sun and clouds are battling for Seattle’s sky real estate right now. I’m not sure which will win (I hope it’s the sun!). I am so excited that we are just a couple of days away from February. It’s the month that’s still considered fully winter but provides a glimpse of spring with daffodil and tulip teasers popping up from below ground.
I’m so glad to see 2017 behind us. It was a really good year because baby Flora was born in February. But it was also a difficult year with the deaths of five family members and two friends, a saddened state of our Union, and saying goodbye to our kitty, Dandy who found a new home with a really lovely but lonely woman in our neighborhood. I also went back to work. Going back to work was great for me personally, but a huge logistical nightmare with the high cost and low availability of high-quality childcare and preschools. But we are leaving all that to the past. It’s a new year!
We have a few exciting plans lined up for 2018. Nathan and I started off the year with a week on Maui with my sister and brother-in-law. Have you been? We went on our honeymoon a few years ago, but because I was sick we didn’t see nearly enough of the county. It’s a very spiritual place to be in. My favorite part of the trip was the 12-hour day driving the Road to Hana and back. It was pure restoration for the soul. I’m wishing I were back there now… We also saw a tropical plantation, took a snorkel/whale-watching sail (which made me sick), ate deliciously fresh seafood and drank not-strong-enough cocktails. (It was always my dream to have cocktails by the pool, which I finally achieved.) We took photos, enjoyed pool time, and rested. I think I even slept for 12 hours the first night we were there. It was total heaven.
Two big events happened in Maui.
The first was that I was notified of my acceptance into the University of Washington’s Information School Master’s program. This is also one of our exciting plans in 2018. The program (ranked 2nd in the nation!) officially begins in September, though the new-admit wooing of “welcome days” and similar events are already starting. I applied to the program with one objective in mind but before the UW iSchool ever offered me admission, I became undecided. There are so many wonderful career paths to take – librarian, information architect, content strategist, metadata librarian, curator… I really don’t know where to begin. I feel like a Freshman in college all over again! I plan to talk more about this adventure in future posts.
The other big event that happened while we were in Maui was the false alert of a ballistic missile threat. Those minutes were the most terrified I have ever been in my life. I cannot emphasize enough what that fear felt like. I remember wondering if I was in a movie and how much more terrifying it felt than simply watching a movie. Actors don’t do justice to that kind of true fear. Or the deep sadness in believing you won’t see your children again. Or the possibility of being separated from your spouse among tsunami waves – or worse, vaporizing radiation. In the movies, you always expect a happy ending, and in this situation I didn’t. It was horrifying. It happened the day before we left, so when we had to leave Maui, I wasn’t a bit sorry. When we eventually got the “all clear” that the alert was a mistake, I cried for an hour. I still have some post-traumatic stress from the experience when I get alerts on my phone. Mostly, though, I feel grateful to be alive.
Finally, 2018 will be bringing us a new home! We are selling our house after only about four years in it. But, as my husband hears from me on a regular basis, it was four years too long! I wonder if other women identify with needing a house that is really a home. One that does everything you need it to in order to make life run smoother and more efficient. I do, for sure. Our house (what I lovingly call the “Patchwork House” due to its varying decades of style when we purchased it), is a great starter house. It’s got everything you need in a first house, including a lot of updates and a lovely fenced yard. The first three months of updates was exciting, but once Maxine joined the family, the time and cash to continue the updates were in competition with diapers and travel, otherwise known as time and money. We are putting our house on the market sometime in March with the hope of purchasing a new (to us) house by June. I realize the hard work that lies ahead – packing, cleaning, completing repairs, etc., but really I am so excited to have closet space and an open floor plan, I can hardly stand it.
Wow, friends! Has it really been over six months since my last post? #Momlife and work life have me wading a bit in the deep end of the pool. I decided in early June to go back to work and (thankfully!) immediately found a position with my previous employer. The working conditions could not be better for me or my family, and I’m already familiar with the responsibilities of the position, so it has generally been an easy transition. Though the thought of leaving the baby at home was challenging – she was only three months old, being out of the house daily has made me a better mom to both girls. But I applaud so hard the moms who are better moms when they stay home with their children; they have a true gift and talent that I definitely do not have. In staying home with my older daughter, Max, who turned three in November, I realized that I wasn’t being the best mom I could be, nor was I being the best version of myself while I was at home. I think that is the great thing about motherhood as a state of being; it is diverse. We come from all walks of life, all parenting styles, all types of love languages, all varying ways of managing the household and kids, and all levels of simply being and getting through each exhausting day.
Parenting my older daughter is not what I expected it to be. I had always imagined having a daughter, and while, yes, she would be challenging, she wouldn’t be anywhere near the energy level of a boy. We would play dolls and learning games. She would sit next to me while I read her picture books about rabbits and frogs and fairies. She would excitedly let me brush and style her hair. She would be sweet and polite and happy to go to bed at the end of the day. Are you laughing yet!? Max is anything but a stereotypical girl. She has as much or more energy than the boys in her preschool class. She excels in art – painting, is her favorite form, but getting her to sit long enough to complete a full picture is impossible. She prefers grazing on snacks while running around the house to sitting at the table for a meal. One minute, she’s a doctor; the next, an architect building a boat or constructing a train. Following that, she’s racing cars down the living room floor. And this isn’t new; she’s been active since she was an infant–always needing to be engaged with someone and something (bless her heart).
I watch her sister now and they couldn’t be more different. And while, yes, I realize all children in one family can be vastly different from one another, it never ceases to amaze me how different Lo is from Max. She will sit and play with blocks or finger puppets or an activity cube for a half hour, alone. She will cuddle with us and loves to be kissed on. She giggles and laughs at everything her sister does and attempts to practice fine motor skills with us if we engage her. She is trying to crawl and loves to stand with one of us holding her up. She’s just a plump, happy baby.
A lot of parents have told me that if they had their more challenging kid first, they wouldn’t have had another one. And while I do consider Max to be more active and consistently engaged (a positive way to say more challenging), having her sister, Flora, was a redemption in many ways. Flora’s mellow, laid-back personality is a compliment to Max’s rambunctious, independent personality. What would parenting be without some excitement?
“The soul is healed by being with children.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky