In or around 2009, I was diagnosed with PMDD, or Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder. At the time, I had never heard about it, and actually, I did not think it was a big deal. I think I actually looked at my ob/gyn like, are you kidding? But, she put me on an SSRI, which is the first line of defense against PMDD. The SSRI worked for me for years, until I became pregnant the first time.
We have been counting down to this day for about 75 days. It’s your fourth birthday!
It’s official: Flora is one!
Parents will tell you that every child has their own personality and siblings can be vastly different from one another. Now, a year into being Mom of Two, I see it’s really true. How do two children from the same parents have wildly different personalities and abilities. It’s amazing.
Flora has blossomed into the sweetest soul. She is affectionate, gentle, and sensitive. She loves to give kisses and head-butts (“loves”). At a year old, she says five words (Mama, Dada, Hi, Papa, and All Done); stacks blocks up to five high; turns the pages of books and studies the pictures; sorts shapes and small items into a slot with ease; and is close to cruising but not quite there yet. She loves stories, and playing whatever anyone else is playing, including sissy. And speaking of sissy, Maxine is still coming to terms with having to share and play with Flora, and every once in a while, Flora will shove or pull on Maxine’s shirt sleeve to express frustration or displeasure at being excluded or having a toy taken from her hands. It’s actually really cute and amusing to watch, but I try to not laugh out loud because I don’t want to encourage either of their behaviors.
It is complete joy being Flora’s mom. She has brought confidence back to my role as a mother. She restored my confidence in myself as a person, a woman, a scholar. She is the reason I chose to go back and get a Masters. And she reminds me what it is to be joyful and loving and full of the love the Spirit has for each of us. She helps me be a better mother to Maxine, which I’ve likely documented here on this blog as a challenge (more on this in a future post). Flora reminds me to be safer, to make the right decisions, to lean in. She reminds me to be gentle with others and myself. And she makes me love motherhood more than I thought possible. My favorite part of the day is walking through the door saying, “Helloooo, Baby!”, and seeing her raise her arms up for a hug. I absolutely love playing with her. She shows determination and perseverance and already has a love for learning. She watches us do something and catches on like she’s been doing it for 100 years.
I feel so proud to be the mom of this little girl, and I’m looking forward to sharing more of her (and Maxine’s) growth in this space. Take a look below at her first year.
Wow, friends! Has it really been over six months since my last post? #Momlife and work life have me wading a bit in the deep end of the pool. I decided in early June to go back to work and (thankfully!) immediately found a position with my previous employer. The working conditions could not be better for me or my family, and I’m already familiar with the responsibilities of the position, so it has generally been an easy transition. Though the thought of leaving the baby at home was challenging – she was only three months old, being out of the house daily has made me a better mom to both girls. But I applaud so hard the moms who are better moms when they stay home with their children; they have a true gift and talent that I definitely do not have. In staying home with my older daughter, Max, who turned three in November, I realized that I wasn’t being the best mom I could be, nor was I being the best version of myself while I was at home. I think that is the great thing about motherhood as a state of being; it is diverse. We come from all walks of life, all parenting styles, all types of love languages, all varying ways of managing the household and kids, and all levels of simply being and getting through each exhausting day.
Parenting my older daughter is not what I expected it to be. I had always imagined having a daughter, and while, yes, she would be challenging, she wouldn’t be anywhere near the energy level of a boy. We would play dolls and learning games. She would sit next to me while I read her picture books about rabbits and frogs and fairies. She would excitedly let me brush and style her hair. She would be sweet and polite and happy to go to bed at the end of the day. Are you laughing yet!? Max is anything but a stereotypical girl. She has as much or more energy than the boys in her preschool class. She excels in art – painting, is her favorite form, but getting her to sit long enough to complete a full picture is impossible. She prefers grazing on snacks while running around the house to sitting at the table for a meal. One minute, she’s a doctor; the next, an architect building a boat or constructing a train. Following that, she’s racing cars down the living room floor. And this isn’t new; she’s been active since she was an infant–always needing to be engaged with someone and something (bless her heart).
I watch her sister now and they couldn’t be more different. And while, yes, I realize all children in one family can be vastly different from one another, it never ceases to amaze me how different Lo is from Max. She will sit and play with blocks or finger puppets or an activity cube for a half hour, alone. She will cuddle with us and loves to be kissed on. She giggles and laughs at everything her sister does and attempts to practice fine motor skills with us if we engage her. She is trying to crawl and loves to stand with one of us holding her up. She’s just a plump, happy baby.
A lot of parents have told me that if they had their more challenging kid first, they wouldn’t have had another one. And while I do consider Max to be more active and consistently engaged (a positive way to say more challenging), having her sister, Flora, was a redemption in many ways. Flora’s mellow, laid-back personality is a compliment to Max’s rambunctious, independent personality. What would parenting be without some excitement?
“The soul is healed by being with children.” ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky